1. Nobody wants to be told what to do or how to do it by anyone.

1.  Nobody wants to be told what to do or how to do it by anyone.

When I casually chat with friends, I often ask them what they think is the number-one rule of life. As you would expect, their answers are varied, but it sets the wheels of conversation into motion. Eventually, I present as my number-one rule the notion that nobody wants to be told what to do or how to do it by anyone about anything. 

We are all proud and resourceful in our own ways in many different areas. If I do not know how to do something I have learned that it is not a failure to ask for some direction. My good friend Al is a car buff - he knows cars, he loves cars and he is my go-to guy when I need some advice or information about cars. When I stupidly scraped the rear fender of my Avalon, Al was there in a flash offering his assistance. He found where we could get the matching paint and how to prepare the car and apply the paint to the damaged areas. I can tell you I was nothing but grateful for his help and expertise. 

If I do know how to do something or have an idea on how I want to proceed, I don't want to be told by someone else what I "should" do. The word "should" is like a huge flashing neon sign letting you know that you are not capable or competent. I call it the never-use word. When you do use it, I can predict the outcome of your suggestion.

If you tell someone that they "should" - take your pick - lose a little weight, chose a different hairstyle, maybe quit smoking, or drive more slowly, you are in big trouble. If you watch carefully, the person's eyes will assume a squint, their facial muscles will tighten and their lips will become sealed. They feel that they have been insulted. They may not tell you or respond, but you can count on the fact that they did not appreciate your unsolicited advice. I have learned that this applies to everyone on any topic or issue. Don't ever use the "should" word! That directive could be called the Eleventh Commandment!

I was thinking of closing with the comment you should never use "should", but I think I would have just broken the new commandment!