20. Don't be judgemental, you never know all of the facts.

Making decisions and judgements is a part of life. We make our way through school, the world of work, and into retirement by making thousands of decisions both large and small. Sometimes our choices are correct and productive and at other times we make mistakes. One of the mistakes to try to avoid is making judgements, especially on other people without all the facts or relevant information.

I used to work for a man whom I respected in many regards, but he did have one quality that I found difficult to accept. Sam (not his real name) was very quick to size people up and make a decision if he liked or disliked the person. I have seen him meet someone for the first time, and he let me know immediately that the person was a forty -second class idiot. He may have arrived at the determination because the person was sloppily dressed, or had bad breath, or his speech was rather crude. And once Sam made his split-second evaluation, there was no changing his mind. If he liked you from your first encounter, you would always remain in his good book. If not, you would never change Sam's assessment. 

Too often people are judged incorrectly. If a person appears to be angry or upset and interferes with the space of others we consider the person impolite and lacking in good manners. That may be the case for that one incident but here may have been circumstances that we were not aware of. The inconsiderate person may have had car trouble on the way to work, or been tagged with a speeding ticket, or was forced to be late for an important appointment. They may have had a very acceptable cause for their impolite impression. You might have encountered a totally different person if their day had not been impacted by some problematic encounters. You never know.

I always believed that people often do change with time. Some acquaintances that I may have been unimpressed with do change and grow and learn over a period of time. Who acts or responds, in the same way today that they did as a youth? I think most of us agree that we have changed and we should grant the same courtesy to others. Don't judge a book by its cover.

19. When opportunity knocks, answer the door.

When I lived in Istanbul, we used to get a lot of visitors and it was my job to be the more or less English-speaking tour guide. As I led many different friends through the twisting streets and alleys, rooftops, and bazaars of the city, I had a number of unwritten rules. One I used to insist on was, "We will only pass this way once." If someone wanted to go into a shop, or make a purchase, or look at some item of interest, they had to do it on the first encounter, because for many reasons the opportunity might not present itself ever again. 

The same principle applies to our lives as well. If we are given a choice to do something, go somewhere, or visit someone, don't put it off until tomorrow. Too many factors might intervene and prevent us from a second chance. So when opportunity knocks, answer the door. 

In my life, I have pretty much lived by that credo. When the opportunity to go to university was available, I took it. When offered a summer job in Ottawa, 2000 miles away, I took it. How could I pass up the chance to travel to Uganda and teach one summer? I couldn't! The chance to teach overseas became available and I took it. (Ultimately, I accepted a job but the government rejected me). Opportunities to live in Warsaw and Nassau were put on the table and without much more reflection we jumped at the chance.

A number of people have surmised that I have been really lucky to do some of the things I have done and seen some of the places I have seen. Nothing is farther from the truth. I did what many others would not or could not do, I accepted the opportunity and took my chances. It was a conscious decision, not a lucky lottery win.

The only major opportunity I declined was a job offer out of university to work in a chemical plant in Trinidad. I rejected the offer as they required a two-year commitment that I was not prepared to make at the time. Other than that one example, I guess I could be called a "Yes man" in the best sense of the word. Knock, knock! Here I come!

18. Travel provides more education than books.

The fact that I have travelled to about 45 different countries in the world is quite a miracle. As a child, I was quite shy and didn't feel too comfortable straying far from my own yard or little village. Boy, did that change as I got older! My first "adventure" travel was when I accepted a summer job in Ottawa during my university days. Prior to that, I had never been more than a two or three-hour car trip from home. That first step opened up the doors to the world for me.

After my second year of teaching, I booked a seven-week European bus tour and examined for the first time the riches and history of another continent. I visited thirteen countries and I became permanently infected and addicted to travel ever since. My criteria for choosing a travel destination became quite simple: If I had never been there before, I was ready to go. People were quite astounded when I agreed to travel to Uganda to teach summer school to local teachers, the year after Idi Amin had been driven from the country. I survived that adventure and haven't turned back since. 

Later in life, Darlene and I spent ten years living overseas using our teaching bases as the hubs for all kinds of regional travel. They were probably the richest years in my life as I learned so much by living in Turkey, Poland and the Bahamas. You could almost count on learning one new life lesson every other day. I was immersed in a Muslim country for four years and I am far richer for that experience. And that richness continued to grow whether it was in Poland or Mexico.

Much of the learning provided by travel is far superior to book learning. My schooling from grade school through six years of college was primarily based upon memorization of tons of facts and formulas. It was a long distance from the demonstrations of honesty, humility, acceptance, and kindness that I witnessed and experienced in Turkey almost every day. 

Travel not only taught me about many other countries, their traditions, and culture, but more importantly, it taught me an awful lot about myself. I know that I have been blessed by my travel experiences!

17. Be kind, be gentle, be humble.

Over the course of our lives we make many friends and acquaintances. Sometimes we are drawn to people and sometimes others seek out our friendship. When I do a quick mental review of the many people whose company I have enjoyed, they usually possess many of the same personal attributes 

Three of the most attractive characteristics displayed by the people that I like are kindness, gentleness and humility. I like people who treat others as they would wish to be treated. They usually overlook the faults of others and treat them with respect and dignity. If you are not a kind person you will probably have very few true friends.

Along with kindness, I think gentleness is a parallel trait. I don't know too many people who are not both kind and gentle at the same time. it is possible to have a gruff demeanour and still treat others kindly, but it is not the norm. 

A line from the poem, Desiderata, "Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit." has always resonated with me. On many occasions I have entered a room that may be a party, social gathering or a meeting and one person's loud and forceful presence often stands out. I know that I personally tend to purposely steer a wide berth around them. I am never attracted to the boisterous or gregarious individual. I tend to find their overbearing nature and their egocentricity a definite turnoff. I do not have any friends who I would consider "loud and aggressive." I am far more attracted to humility, than vanity. 

As I composed this lesson I kept getting fleeting glimpses of my own Father as I was thinking about the three qualities above that I admire. He definitely possessed all three and I am going to give him ( and my Mother) credit for instilling them in me. 

A small poster I once read stated," If you have to choose between being right or being kind, choose the latter." I totally agree.

16. One man's meat is another man's poison.

When I was completing my university chemistry degree, I applied for a summer job with the Canadian government and was hired and assigned to Ottawa. I worked for the Department of Health in the newly founded Environmental Affairs section. 

I ultimately ended up in the tobacco country of southern Ontario in the little summer beach community of Port Burwell on the north shore of Lake Erie. Our summer task was to try to replicate the findings of the team from the previous year that was testing the air quality that flowed from Ohio and Pennsylvania over the Great Lakes. Contaminants in the polluted air seemed to be damaging the quality of the Ontario tobacco leaves and we were there to continue the research. 

I was part of a four-person team - myself, two University of Guelph chemistry students and our supervisor, an older civil servant who was retired on the job. My two companions, Al and Art, and I ran the lab set up in a garage package in a tobacco field, while our boss spent his time driving around the countryside. 

At the time, I didn't realize how often I might make a critical or judgemental comment on some issues. Change the radio station, I don't like the music or let's go to the west beach instead of the town beach, it's nicer. One of my buddies would often look at me and just very calmly state, "One man's meat is another man's poison." During the course of the summer, Art gently issued that little lesson on a rather regular basis until I finally "heard" him. He was right. We do not all like the same things nor should we. Everyone is free to choose their own preferences in most circumstances. 

Art's simple wisdom stuck with me for the rest of my life. He didn't preach nor chastise me for my point of view, he just subtly reminded me of this little truth until I learned it. It is just a small part of accepting that we are all different and can like or dislike many things and that is OK. Thanks, Art for this sixty-year-old life lesson!

15. Everyone should have at least one hobby they love.

Having a hobby that you love is something that seems like an easy goal. I know that I have and have had a lot of interests, but I can't say that I have really had a lifelong hobby. Perhaps that doesn't matter as long as a person continues to search for fun ways to spend some of their leisure time. We are learning especially now, during this Coronavirus pandemic, the importance of ways to enjoy our "extra" time. 

During this Corona period, I think a lot of people are coming to realize how important a hobby can be. A married couple that we know both have developed lifelong hobbies that can consume hundreds of hours of their time in an enjoyable fashion. She is an avid craft person who loves card making and he is a model railroad builder and they both can be absorbed for hours with their hobby. Darlene is also a gifted card maker and it does provide her with a creative outlet that helps make the time pass.

I don't have a real hobby. I do enjoy reading and I do enjoy writing and they can both be fulfilling, but I don't think that qualifies as a hobby. I am not a collector, am not a handyman, don't like to work with my hands, am not a fitness fanatic and thus I am constantly in search of something enjoyable to do.

Some of my friends enjoy various sports. Especially as seniors, they like to golf in the summer and curl in the winter. I have done both and can take them or leave them, and I prefer to leave them. Over the years, I have also bowled, played badminton and squash, but never developed a love for any sport. My closest connection to sport is my love of baseball as a spectator sport. I played it informally as a kid, have followed it as a fan for over sixty years and have coached kids in Little League. I would suggest that is as close as I have come to having a hobby, and that is a pretty weak definition.

I will keep searching and who knows I might start collecting stamps again. Do people still collect stamps?

14. Never stop learning or reading.

There is probably no reason to even include this little gem on my list as it seems so obvious. While I am a very consistent reader I am often surprised when I encounter someone who is not. Probably because of my teacher's background a love of reading is taken for granted. An old proverb maintains that a man who can read and does not, is no better off than a man who cannot read. Whether it is true or not, reading is a fundamental plank in the foundation of anyone's life.

Any academic success is predicated upon the ability to read (and probably write) at a fairly sophisticated level and understand, interpret, internalize, and utilize what they read in some manner. Whether it is a philosophy or a chemistry textbook, or a technical manual, or a set of directions, we all need some reading proficiency to be successful. As important as functional reading is, I value recreational reading just as much. I cannot live very happily without a book, fiction or non-fiction, to read at all times. When I can find no other diversion, I know that reading a book is always my default setting. I have learned the love of reading!

Just as reading is so important to my life, the love of learning is also an important component. While the two activities are closely tied together they are not essentially so. Much of the enjoyment of using a computer is dependent on my ability to read, research, follow directions and uncover many new and amazing stories or information. But learning can happen in lots of settings other than the printed word.

Many people are more proficient in learning other than through books. I greatly admire a couple of my friends who are the kind of guys who "can do anything." One friend completely built his own house, including excavation, framing, electrical work, plumbing, roofing and custom cabinetry, by learning from his hands-on experiences as he proceeded. Another is able to "fix anything!" Both of these guys learned by doing, not just reading, and I admire them immensely. There are many ways to skin a cat and there are many different ways to read and learn.

13. Don't burn any bridges

As we journey through life we invariably encounter numerous difficulties and are often faced with some hard decisions. In working out these issues or problems we meet and deal with a lot of different individuals. Some of the interactions are positive and some not so much. If someone is not helpful or supportive, we might tend to attach blame to that party. Sometimes their response is determined by factors that you do not know, but we still tend to discard some people from our lives. That can lead to other problems.

When we dismiss other people over an unsatisfactory incident we call it burning our bridges. As a wartime analogy, when combatants retreated they would often burn bridges behind themselves to cut off their pursuers. It might have been an effective strategy during wartime but in most of our lives, it is not a good idea.

As an example, a friend of mine did not receive a promotion that he felt that he deserved. He was so upset that he resigned and left the organization bitter and unhappy. When he left he made a point of angrily expressing his feelings to a superior in the company. Of course, that did not hold him in good stead as he left. By coincidence, the person who was selected for the job declined the position, so it was again an open job. My friend had been the second choice, but after his tirade and bridge-burning outburst, he had in fact eliminated himself. 

We need to learn that as we travel through life everything is not going to go the way that we would have chosen or wished. We need to realize that we must handle the ups and downs with good manners and just continue to work hard. If we criticize or blame or offend others when we do not get what we want, we are just closing doors of opportunity on ourselves. When our feelings are hurt we need to quietly reflect and remember that there is always another day. 

If you burn bridges, not only does the rejected person suffer, we can also be burned by the fire!

12. One really good friend is priceless.

If you read or belong to Facebook, you can often observe how many "friends" that a person has attracted to his or her page. On Facebook, a friend is just someone you know who might want to read something that you post. It often has nothing to do with a close and meaningful relationship. It is akin to the number of people who have a subscription to the same newspaper. It is a list of occasional or regular readers but is not necessarily based on a close friendship.

I think I have about 80 "friends" who might occasionally look at a posting of mine, but it is a meaningless number to me. Some people take great pride in noting that they have 200 or 800 or a thousand friends. It has the same significance as thinking that if you have an autograph of Wayne Gretzky that he can be called a friend of yours. Nonsense!

Friends are not identifiable by Facebook or in your list of email addresses. Most of the people are acquaintances of some sort but a friend is a far more special relationship. What is the true definition of a friend? One from the Internet states: A true friend is a friend when it is convenient and when it is not. They standby you consistently both when you are present and when you are not. They're authentic and honest with you. True friends aren't phoney with you. They show you who they really are.

I can concur with the qualities listed above but I feel there are some other dimensions that must be in place to identify a "real" friend. Friends usually have shared an important experience or spent a fair amount of valued time with you. Friends usually share common interests, shared values, often similar beliefs, and enjoy the company of each other. Often friends share a long timeline with each other. Friends from school or your workplace often last a longer time than casual acquaintances. 

If you call someone and without any explanation ask them for a favour or to do something for you and they accept, that is a true friend. If you possess one or two in your life you are richer than most!

11. Success depends on self-discipline and perseverance.

There is a common theory that if you want to make a million dollars there are three ways to accomplish it: you can be very intelligent, inherit the family business, or start with two million and quit after you lose the first million. 

As a former teacher, I had some insight into what qualities students possessed that led to successful careers. I was surprised that in so many cases, intelligence was no guarantee of success. I have witnessed more average students succeed in life than many of the "brains." So often the tortoise outperforms the hare with steady, unrelenting plodding and a never-quit attitude.

One of my favourite stories to illustrate the point involves a talented and acclaimed classical pianist. After a very impressive session at an elegant party, one guest came over to the pianist and exclaimed, " I would give anything to be able to play the piano like you!" The pianist stunned his complimentary fan telling her "No you wouldn't, that is not true. You had exactly the same opportunity to play as I do except you were not prepared to put in the thousands of hours of practice every day for fifteen years that I did. If you had, you could have been an accomplished pianist as well!"

The pianist was simply explaining that his success was attributed largely to his self-discipline and perseverance. I also believe that these are the two most important skills that we should be trying to instil in our students in schools. Genetics, intelligence, inherent talent, parental support and luck are no substitute for self-discipline and perseverance. If you cannot discipline yourself but must rely on others and quit whenever the going gets rough, your chances of success will be limited.

Our schools need to spend more time preparing students to stick to difficult tasks for the self-discipline required, instead of accepting excuses for poor or inadequate performance or effort. Every missed opportunity only reduces the chances to succeed in the future.

10. Try to engage someone in conversation every day if you can.

As a child and even as an adult I have been a pretty quiet individual. I was not a chatterbox during any stage of my life. In school, I was not inclined to ask questions, as I usually felt that if I didn't understand something that there were others in the same boat and I would just wait for them to make inquiries. It usually always worked. 

I was always quiet by nature until I started to teach. I recall individuals who knew me as a child marvelling at the fact that I was a teacher. They always considered me as very quiet and too shy. And they were right. As I grew older, I slowly became more of a talker, in certain locales. If in a group of friends or under the influence of one drink too many I found that I could be quite a yacker. In groups of strangers, I am usually more of a listener than a talker. In fact, when I am in a new social group my wife will often trace the letter T on my leg to tell me that I should Talk. 

As I entered the realm of senior citizenship I have found that I am much more likely to strike up a conversation. It will last only as long as the topic is interesting and not just idle chatter. I have found lately that I am much more inclined to need to talk than ever. In our condo, I am usually the person in the elevator who will initiate conversation. On my 20 floor descent, you can actually have quite an interesting visit. 

In my family, my Mother was very quiet and reserved and my Dad was basically quiet as well. But my father was a very social being. I often tell the story of walking the three blocks to church each Sunday and it would take my Dad at least half an hour. He would stop and chat or visit with everyone he saw on the street or in their yard. Sometimes he was even late for mass because he had been caught up in a chat.

Today, I find that conversation has become a lost art for many. It is so enjoyable when you can brighten your day with a chat or talk especially with a friend or acquaintance. I think it is a great habit to hone!

9. Life is not a rehearsal for the show, it is the show.

Perhaps another way of saying the same thing is “live life to the fullest.” Everyone’s life invariably has high and low points, and we often are faced with simple or complex struggles. Some have more issues and problems to deal with than others but we all have a choice in how we handle them.

Some view the glass as half full while others bemoan the fact that the glass is half empty. Our attitude and outlook on life will very much determine if we tolerate life, hate our situation, or enjoy every minute. That is not to say that life is always easy. Many are faced with social, intellectual, emotional, or physical obstacles in their lives and it is hard to always be optimistic and positive. But there is one greater reality that must be considered, Namely, we have one life to live, there is no second chance. I personally don’t subscribe to the notion of reincarnation where we will return to have a second or a third chance to a better life. This is it. This is the show and we need to develop habits to maximize our days on earth.

Some simple habits to help live each day more fully include:

• developing an attitude of gratefulness for our blessings, whether they be many or few.
• assessing our gifts and abilities and using them
• serving others in some fashion who are more in need helps create a sense of purpose
• taking chances when opportunities present themselves even if we feel a little hesitant. They may not reappear.
• purposefully plan to approach each day with a positive outlook
• learn to say yes more often than we say no in dealing with others.

If your past life has been difficult or filled with problems let go of them. Don’t dwell on hard times but plan for better times. Our road only has so many miles to travel. Make the most of all of the good things that you encounter along the way and keep smiling.

8. Live today, plan for tomorrow and remember yesterday.

All of our lives have three discreetly different dimensions. We all have a past life, a current life, and a future life that can all be accessed in our minds any day we wish. 

Some people tend to forsake the present and spend a good part of every day reflecting and remembering the good old days. Often seniors spend a lot of time reliving some of the highlights of their younger years. It can be fun as they recall happy occasions like family get-togethers, birthdays, parties, and special events. At other times, the recollection of friends or family who have passed away can be sad and wearing memories.

Others spend a lot of time living in the future. In particular, we often hear people dreaming of retirement and all of the things they will do when they are finished working. The reality is that people will not likely become involved in a lot of activities or behave much differently than they did before they retired. Dreams and wishful thinking are often followed by disappointments when real-life again takes command. 

If there is a secret, it is to live in the present, plan for the near future and enjoy the past. Of course, this is only common sense and in fact, there is no other way to live. A lot of people, however, I think, allocate these three time frames disproportionate amounts of time. Our happiness will be maximized by living the majority of our time in the present. Allocate a small proportion to planning for the near future, and a smaller portion to the past. Again, this may appear to be very obvious, but I am sure there are numerous people who have a difficult time from disconnecting from the past. (Consider the number of obituary photos from their youth, not their present). If you spend too much time looking forward, you obviously are giving away numerous happy options in the present. 

A healthy balance is the best way to live each day.

7. Courtesy and good manners are vanishing traits.

I have been reflecting on how we have managed to lose our sense of courtesy and good manners over the years. As a child, we were always being reminded by parents and teachers of the simple common courtesies of saying thank you and please. It became an automatic response whenever they were required. I can't say that it is the habitual practice of a lot of younger people today. 

Very often requests for anything are not followed by a polite, "please." Even older children and young adults often need to be reminded to use the magic word. A kind of sad commentary! Good manners are also often more of a surprise than a regular occurrence. Do parents not insist on courtesy and manners? Do teachers not demand it in our schools? Why have we lost those two admirable qualities?

Again, in days of yore, if we received a birthday or Christmas gift from someone out of town, it was an automatic expectation that we send a thank-you note or card to acknowledge the gift. When was the last time you received a thank-you card for a present that you gave to someone?In today’s high tech world how hard would it be to write a brief email or make a phone call or a FaceTime hello? 

Have we become more of a society that does not stress courtesy and good manners or have we just become too lazy to teach them to our children? Are we raising generations of young people who feel entitled and feel no need to acknowledge thanks? I don't know the answer, but it does bother me.

As a life lesson, I know that I place a high value on practicing courtesy and maintaining good manners when I deal with others. I would be very much happier if a lot more individuals felt and acted the same way!

6. Only you are responsible for your own happiness.

If asked today to rate my level of happiness on a scale of 1 to 10, I would probably rate it a 9. This does not indicate that I am unhappy, it just leaves a little negotiation room for some wonderful experience to elevate it to a 10. There is always the remote chance for a lotto win. What number would you chose to rate your level of happiness? 

I would confess that my life has been quite a happy journey. Many of my saddest or unhappiest moments were related to school performance. If I didn’t get a high mark on a test or had trouble with a problem, I could be unhappy. As I matured, I learned not to sweat the small things that had made me sad as a child. I just accepted that little disappointments in life are natural and soon forgotten. 

My adult happiness was centred on good friends and family, and often exploring the road less travelled. I enjoyed the camaraderie and friendships that I encountered in my 34 years as an educator. I always claimed that I never complained about going to work (school). I loved my interactions among the staff and with the students.

For those who consider themselves to be unhappy, they are often looking in the wrong places for happiness. In particular, they feel their job, or their house, or their possessions, or their holidays will make them happy. They often experience brief moments of joy from the above but they are not lasting. Their primary mistake in their quest for happiness is that they look outside of themselves to other people or things to bring them happiness. No one else can make you happy!

We will only find happiness if we look within ourselves. Only if we can develop a peace of mind and spirit, will we be truly happy. Research shows happy people devote time to family and friends. They practice gratitude. They practice optimism. They are physically active. They savour life’s pleasures, try to live in the present moment, and often provide service to others. 

If you prefer a simpler philosophy, Charlie Brown mused that   “Happiness is  a warm puppy.” Maybe he was right.  

5. Possessions are a burden, not a treasure.

I would have to say that I have always led a very simple life. My Dad was a coal miner and we lived in a little village outside of Drumheller. We had a small house, a large yard and garden, and my Dad provided for us as best he could. We had no extravagances nor even some simple amenities like hot water, indoor plumbing, or a telephone. Despite our simple existence, we were happy and our wants were quite minimal. I have maintained that initial experience most of my adult life. 

When I finished university and got a job my small-town values did not allow me to enter the race for the Almighty Dollar. I was comfortable, bought a house, provided for my family, enjoyed some travel opportunities and life was good. I have never aspired to a 3000 sqft house, with a three-car garage, a swimming pool and the latest model luxury car. 

In today's world, many people seem to judge the degree of success of others by the size and number of their toys. The more luxuries you possess, the more successful you are. At least that seems to be the theory. I do not ascribe to it and never will. 

The more possessions we accrue, the more complex our life becomes. Possessions require maintenance, care and safety insurances. Houses and cars all require electronic burglar protection. Home contents must be itemized and insured. New cars must have special undercoating, extra shine protection and scotch-guarded seats. Many homes have barred windows and a front doorbell camera that can be viewed anywhere in the world from the owner's smartphone. Possessions and their safeguarding can add significant stress and pressure to life. 

When other people were installing home alarm systems I advocated for a sign at the back door that stated that we only possessed a 21-inch television, no stereo system and no jewellery or cash box. I though that would be a far more appropriate defence. I recently saw a door mat that read, "They have better stuff next door!" That says it all!

4. The most treasured value of most people is fairness.

4. The most treasured value of most people is fairness.

I learned a lot as a teacher from my students. I mostly taught junior high students who were 12 to 15 years of age. I loved working with this age group for a couple of reasons. Young teenagers can still become excited about learning and as a result, I had a lot of fun with them because they weren't afraid to demonstrate their enthusiasm. In addition to their high energy, they also had developed reading, writing and other academic skills to be able to perform some quality and challenging work. They were enjoyable and competent.

Many people are intimidated by a group of young adolescents. Walking into a class of thirty teens can be scary unless you are aware of a few basic requirements. I always counselled new teachers that there were three things they had to learn or know about working successfully with junior high students. Firstly, the students had to know that you were in charge. That meant a fairly simple but firm set of in-class behavioural guidelines. Secondly, it was important to be consistent in the application of those guidelines. The most important issue, however, was the value of fairness. If a teacher disciplined an entire class for the misbehaviour of one or two students, the kids knew that was not fair. And every one of us places a very high value on being treated fairly. An unfair teacher is not going to be a very successful teacher.

The same value is not limited to school students. We all place very significant importance on being treated fairly. The Occupy Wall Street Movement of 2011 was an international movement that expressed opposition to social and economic inequality and to the lack of "real democracy" around the world. The Movement was aimed at the increased concentration of income and wealth since the 1970s among the top 1% of income earners in the United States. The underlying value that was being fought for was fairness!

Most revolutions and much global unrest today can be attributed to the unfair treatment of some groups by another. People who are treated fairly are generally going to be happy.

3. One of the great pleasures of life is a beautiful sunrise.

Very often in life, we are blessed with brilliant sunrises and magnificent sunsets. Most of us will take the time to view either one or the other and offer colourful adjectives to describe the scene. I think more people will watch a sunset than a sunrise just because of our sleeping and work schedules. We are almost always able to see the sunset, but often a gorgeous sunrise occurs while we are still in bed.

I love to watch a morning sunrise, especially in Winter. Since we live on the 20th floor of a condo we have a spectacular viewing room that faces south. In the morning, I sit in one direction and watch the sun come up and in the evening I sit in the other direction to watch the sunset. Because of the conditions of the air in Winter the sunrise tends to be far more colourful and brilliant than at any other time of the year. Each morning I am usually awake and out of bed before the sun actually starts to peek above the horizon. I am often greeted with a kaleidoscope of colours - pink, mauve, scarlet, orange, magenta, and gold reflected on a white or grey pillow of clouds or a bright, clear, turquoise sky. Each morning I assign God a grade out of 10 points on the sunrise for that day. He invariably scores very high marks.

Sunsets can be equally spectacular. I find them more interesting in the summer or autumn when our air may be tainted by smoke from distant forest fires in BC. One of my interesting life experiences with sunsets occurred when I was in Uganda. Since it is much closer to the equator than we are in Calgary, the sun sets much more quickly. I recall one time in Uganda we were viewing the sunset from our hotel's rooftop and I decided to race to my room to get my camera. It took me no longer than two minutes, but during that interval, the sun did a nosedive into the horizon and was completely gone when I returned. I experienced much the same reality in Hawaii.

I am also a huge fan of sunny days. I think the sun is a human rejuvenator and does recharge my energy level all the time. As the old saying goes, " A day without sunshine, is called night!”

2. Nothing in life is really simple.

A lot of times in life we get the urge to plant a new shrub or fix a balky appliance or give the car a hand wash and wax. Our initial intention is to take a little time to do a seemingly simple activity. How hard can any of these initiatives be? Let me introduce you to the reality that nothing in life is really simple. 

One of my first encounters with the fundamental truth was early in my life when our built-in stovetop and oven stopped working. It was built into a kitchen cupboard and the operating controls were a panel of push buttons on the wall above the stove. We decided that it would be a simple task to replace the old stove with a new modern stove instead. 

I removed the cupboard around the stove, as well as the old stove. Our fridge shared a part of the wooden cupboard supporting the stove so it had to be removed as well. After demolition, we found that there was no linoleum under the stove so we were required to purchase new flooring for the whole kitchen. Removing the control panel on the wall led to a large cavity that needed to be filled in, plastered, sanded and painted. Of course, when the new flooring was installed it did not really match the kitchen wallpaper so it had to all be redone. If you buy a new stove, of course, you need a matching new fridge. Like I said, nothing in life is really simple.

I am sure we can all recall numerous occasions when a seemingly small task mushroomed to consume hours of time and piles of extra expense. As a result of these recurring life experiences, I have found that I have become a kind of renovation recluse. If it ain't broke, don't fix it has become my motto. It is just fortunate that I have a couple of good buddies who love to fix things and practise their home handyman skills. Not only do I love them, but my wife is also considering trading me in for one of them, should the opportunity ever present itself!

But then the details of the trade would probably not be simple either!

1. Nobody wants to be told what to do or how to do it by anyone.

1.  Nobody wants to be told what to do or how to do it by anyone.

When I casually chat with friends, I often ask them what they think is the number-one rule of life. As you would expect, their answers are varied, but it sets the wheels of conversation into motion. Eventually, I present as my number-one rule the notion that nobody wants to be told what to do or how to do it by anyone about anything. 

We are all proud and resourceful in our own ways in many different areas. If I do not know how to do something I have learned that it is not a failure to ask for some direction. My good friend Al is a car buff - he knows cars, he loves cars and he is my go-to guy when I need some advice or information about cars. When I stupidly scraped the rear fender of my Avalon, Al was there in a flash offering his assistance. He found where we could get the matching paint and how to prepare the car and apply the paint to the damaged areas. I can tell you I was nothing but grateful for his help and expertise. 

If I do know how to do something or have an idea on how I want to proceed, I don't want to be told by someone else what I "should" do. The word "should" is like a huge flashing neon sign letting you know that you are not capable or competent. I call it the never-use word. When you do use it, I can predict the outcome of your suggestion.

If you tell someone that they "should" - take your pick - lose a little weight, chose a different hairstyle, maybe quit smoking, or drive more slowly, you are in big trouble. If you watch carefully, the person's eyes will assume a squint, their facial muscles will tighten and their lips will become sealed. They feel that they have been insulted. They may not tell you or respond, but you can count on the fact that they did not appreciate your unsolicited advice. I have learned that this applies to everyone on any topic or issue. Don't ever use the "should" word! That directive could be called the Eleventh Commandment!

I was thinking of closing with the comment you should never use "should", but I think I would have just broken the new commandment!