64. It doesn't matter what others think of you.

Many years ago, my adult sister told me the story of how mortified she was as a child when our Mother would hang our laundry on the outdoors clothesline to dry. She was so embarrassed that the neighbours would see her "bloomers" blowing in the breeze. Of course, my perspective was what did it matter if the people around our house could see our laundry. I knew that we could also see theirs and it was not really a highlight of any of my childhood days. 

Many people tend to be influenced by "What will the neighbours think?", on a lot of issues. I know that that notion never enters or has entered my thoughts at any time. In the course of our lives, we are often in a position where our income and position does not allow us to compete with others who are more wealthy or influential. We may not dress as well as others, live in as big a house, or drive as modern and prestigious a car as they do. What does it matter?

In reality, we know that it doesn't really matter what others think of us regarding these kinds of issues. My father was a coal miner and we lived in a small multicultural mining community.  We did not have much money and only survived because of my Dad working in the mines and the huge garden that provided us with a year's worth of food. Our community was small, but as kids, we were all in the same relative financial strata and we all accepted everyone as equals. Envy did not live in our peaceful little town. 

Only when I eventually went to university and to work in a big city did I first encounter the disparity in peoples' lifestyles and standard of living. I can honestly say that I was never jealous of someone else's clothes or house or vehicle. I could of course appreciate them, but I never felt that I was in any competition with them. I always believed that others could take me as they found me, or not. 

During my life, this attitude of acceptance has made my life very much easier for me. I am grateful for what I do have rather than be disappointed in what I do not possess. I know that life is a lot happier if you don't have to or try to keep up with the Joneses!

63. We often forget about the role of "readiness".

In the past, we used to test five-year-old children to see if they were "ready" for the demanding assignment of being allowed into grade one in school. This test basically focussed on the maturity of the child with respect to attention span, following simple directions and displaying a willingness to learn and listen. While the practice was fairly subjective, it did introduce an important concept that applies to all of us at any age - the notion of readiness.

During the rest of our lives, we do not really test for readiness in any other situation. Perhaps we should. Do we need a test to determine if a person is ready to learn to drive a car, or get married, or have children? In our society we are obviously a failure in these regards as witnessed by ever-increasing car accidents, failed marriages and children who are raised with little attention and direction. Of course, the argument is who is so wise as to develop these readiness tests and who would agree to a readiness procedure before having children? Probably no one!

While formally determining readiness does not exist in our culture, it does play a role in our own decision-making practices. We have all experienced times when we determined whether we were ready for an activity or not. If you are not ready to learn to swim you won't learn. You may be too afraid of water and are not ready to address your fears. When you are finally motived to want to swim, perhaps because all of your friends are, you will probably learn. Often when we need to or are motivated to, we will be able to learn anything, from a second language to tai chi. 

In schools, we often encounter examples of students struggling and having difficulty with a task, not because they are incapable, but rather they are not ready for some reason. Disciples of Jean Piaget know that he believed that everyone passed through a sequence of four distinct stages in their cognitive development. He really introduced the notion of stages of readiness. I know that I have passed through many developmental stages throughout my life and readiness played a large role in my successes and failures. 

62. It's OK to sometimes do absolutely nothing.

In today's society, it is not unusual for a friend to comment that they didn't do anything when asked, "What did you do today?" Their response is usually surrounded by a cloud of guilt for that admission. We have been conditioned to believe that we must always be active and productive or we will be labelled lazy. Admitting that we have not done anything significant is a shameful response. It shouldn't be! (note that this does not contravene using the word "should" from lesson one, I used the word "shouldn't"!)

A lot of individuals suffer from obsessive-compulsive behaviour where they feel that they must constantly be on the move and working on some project or activity. They are driven to try and accomplish something every waking hour. I am pleased to admit that I have never suffered from OCD. If there is such a thing, I think I might be labelled GWTF ( Go with the flow) behaviour! When I have to concentrate or work hard, I do. When it is time for a break or diversion, I take one. When my to-do list has been reduced, I have no trouble reverting to doing nothing!

In fact, it is just about impossible to "do nothing." We tend to translate "doing" into a physically active endeavour. "Doing" also has an intellectual and sometimes spiritual aspect. My mind seldom shuts down completely. If I am sitting quietly in my 20th floor quiet room looking out upon the river, trees and park, I may not appear to be doing anything to an outside observer, but I can guarantee that my mind is grinding away. I may be planning something in the future or I may be enjoying time for spiritual reflection that is not obvious, but I am really mentally or spiritually quite busy.

Regardless of how we spend our time, it is important to remember there should be a time for quiet and calm. Just as a battery needs to be regularly recharged, so does the human. When I am sitting quietly in my quiet room or on a park bench, I know that sitting in the sunshine is a rejuvenating process. Sunshine does recharge my batteries. Although I might appear to be a bum on a bench I am actually a happy retiree being recharged. And that is not an easy task!

61. Health includes the body, the mind and the soul.

We often begin an encounter with a friend or ask a caller on the phone, "How are you?" Generally, the respondent answers with a "good" or a "fine" and asks you the same question, with usually the same result. When we ask or answer that question we invariable are thinking about our physical well-being. We generally don't want to get into small complaints like an aching muscle, a sore heel, or a runny nose. We seldom think of our mental or spiritual health when we are asked the "How are you?" question. 

Despite our significant regard for our physical health, we also need to know that we need to maintain our mental and spiritual health as well. Most seniors will all possess some ailments that are related to ageing. Just as an old car regularly needs new tires, an oil change and an occasional tuneup, so does the human body. We are not too reluctant to discuss our blood pressure, cholesterol levels or arthritis, but we almost never venture into either of the other two areas. 

It is not that we need to report on our mental health to others, but it is just as important to take precautions to address our mental well being. A lot of people suffer from societal or personal stresses that can play a significant role in one's mental outlook on life. Some current data shows:

• In any given year, 1 in 5 people in Canada will personally experience a mental health problem or illness.
• Approximately 8% of adults will experience major depression at some time in their lives.
• By age 40, about 50% of the population will have or have had a mental illness.

Mental illnesses have been steadily increasing in Canada every year!

While most people will not choose to discuss or share the state of their mental health, even fewer will probably want to share their spiritual health. No matter where a person places themselves upon the spiritual continuum, spiritual wellness is also very important when we are examining our health. So I repeat, "How are you today?"

60. Learn to dance.

Anyone who knows me also knows that I am a dancing fool. As soon as the band or the DJ hits the first note, I can feel my feet start to vibrate, my blood begins to race and I practically run to the dance floor dragging my dance partner behind me. The music totally infuses my being and I feel controlled by some mysterious force whether the musical beat is modern, jive, or a folk-dance. You can't keep a dancing dervish in his seat for long. 

My dancing prowess began in junior high school when we had an occasional dance in our classroom, at night (how scandalous), with all of the desks pushed aside and a record player spinning out the latest Buddy Holly or Elvis classics. High school dances were more sophisticated as we used the specially decorated high school gym and the jive was the big dance at the time. Imagine the movie Grease, and guess who assumed the John Travolta role? 

During my adult life, my passion for dancing grew exponentially. When we attended a community dance or a wedding reception I did not miss one dance. If the band did not take a break, I would dance with my tiny sandwich and beverage in one hand or the other. I could not take time out from the rhythm and throbbing beat of the band to waste time eating. 

Sadly, my friends, all of that fantasy above is a lie. I never really learned to dance and have regretted it most of my life. Over the years I have reluctantly allowed a lovely lady to drag me to the dance floor and assume the dance position. With no ability or rhythm, I attempted to slowly move to the beat of the music and prayed the entire time for the music to end so I could race back to my chair.

I know that I missed a lot of enjoyment in life for never really learning to dance. I did take lessons one year, but my partner didn't like them. Alas, at my present maturity level, I don't really feel that learning at this stage is a priority. I do often really wish that I had learned to dance. It is a special part of my life that I know I have missed! Despite the plethora of more meaningful lessons, this one is in my Top Ten!

59. Take regular time for self-reflection.

Whether you are working or retired, we all live in a fairly high-speed world. Driving in the city is a non-stop stressor, malls and stores are generally busy and buzzing, and even our TV programming is not designed to be relaxing. Invariably, you will hear friends and families lament that they have been busy. Even laid-back retirees often admit that they don't know where their day went, as they work through their to-do lists. More than ever, it is important for us all to take a time-out where we can retreat for some quiet and reflection. 

In a lot of instances, we have developed rooms in our homes that we call offices, or man caves, or quiet zones. I have been blessed with a wonderful 20th floor 100 sqft. area at the south end of our condo that is surrounded by glass and overlooks that river, the hillside and a riverside park. It was almost as if the building was purposely constructed for just such a reflection space. I know that I use this wonderful quiet observatory every day for reading, relaxation and reflection. It is also reminiscent of a fourth-floor extended outdoor balcony that we enjoyed when we lived in Istanbul that overlooked our small village and looked  outward toward the Bosphorus Strait. It was a magical retreat from the hustle of a city of 16 million people.

A special room is not necessary for reflection of course, but it does help. My second favourite reflection spot is anywhere outdoors, preferably in a park and near water. Again, I have been doubly blessed to live on the banks of the Bow River and a five-minute stroll from Edworthy Park with its miles of pathways, wilderness and conveniently situated benches. I have one special bench that I often retreat to and try to examine my life, while at the same time feeding the small birds sunflower seeds from my hand. It is a most wonderful sanctuary - near home, with its quiet only disturbed by the call of the birds, the gurgling sound of the river, or the laughter of children playing. 

As a last resort, we can always withdraw into our minds anytime we choose. No matter the location, it is very important to be able to find a place to reflect, celebrate and give thanks for our many blessings.

58. You always have two choices.

This lesson might have been incorporated into either or both of the two lessons on keeping things in perspective and not worrying. However, I know that I have always solved a lot of problems or arrived at a decision by remembering that human beings have been granted the gift of choice. Actually, we have been doubly blessed as we have really been given two choices whenever we encounter a problem. 

For example, if we are faced with the dilemma of buying a new car, then we have two choices. We can keep our current car or we can shop for a hot new model. If we keep Old Bessie we no longer have a problem. If we want the Tesla supercar, then we have two choices. We can pay cash or we can finance the purchase. If we pay up-front we are happy. If we want to take out a loan, we have two choices. We can take a short term loan with high payments or we can spread the purchase out over 84 months. Whichever choice we ultimately make, we will have solved our original dilemma by looking at the options (choices) and arriving at a decision. 

This "two-choice" strategy can apply to material purchases or in our dealings with work, our co-workers, our family,  or our friends. When a situation requiring us to make a decision pops up, we can always either just accept the situation as it is or we can choose to do something about it. If you are offered a 1% raise at work and don't like it, your two choices are either accept it or propose a counteroffer. If your proposal is not accepted you then have two different choices you can stay at the job or you can choose to quit. If you quit you then need to look for another job … and the procedure continues until you become Chairman of Microsoft. 

A lot of people often chose to be an "acceptor". They will just say "yes" and then be unhappy ad infinitum. Happiness requires us to sometimes make tough decisions to change our circumstances. My simple "two choices" procedure may help get you there! You can always accept the current reality or you can always do something about it. The choice is yours!

57. Worry is a waste of time.

As a child, I did a lot of worrying about a lot of things. I surmise that most children as they are growing up may worry about a number of simple things. I used to worry before a test at school, during the test if there was a tough question, and after the test waiting for the results. Kids worry about how they look, if their friends like them and about the things they don't understand. As we mature many of us finally learn that worrying is a bad habit to cultivate.

I think I learned to stop worrying in two different ways. First, I spent a lot of time thinking about the things that I had previously worried about. Reality taught me, upon reflection, that I often achieved the results I wanted, and I would have attained them regardless if I worried ahead of time of not. Worrying did not contribute to the final result in any way - it was just an unnecessary distraction.

Since I worried about doing well on a test, I decided to study as hard as I could and then just let the chips fall where they may. I soon learned that preparation ahead of a worrisome event helped eliminate the anxiety of worry. Preparation is the key to developing confidence whether it is for taking a driver's test, going to a job interview, or meeting someone for the first time. 

Most of life's worries will only grow if we just leave them fermenting in our mental jar. If worry is consuming all of our thoughts, we need to develop an action plan to change them from "thoughts" to "actions." If we have a step by step plan we focus our thoughts on what we are going to actually do, rather than stress about nebulous thoughts, worry is going to take a back seat. 

As I reflect back upon my life, there were countless times that I can recall that I worried. In just about every case, reality showed me that my worry had been needless. It had been a waste of time and I had worried for nothing. It was a tough lesson, but I can honestly say, I never really worry any longer. I have the confidence that planning and execution will defeat almost any problem, far better than worry!

56. Learn to keep things in perspective.

Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" begins, "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs…" and then proceeds to elaborate with four verses. He might have simply finished it with, "…learn to keep things in perspective." My observances over the years have convinced me that a lot of people often create their own problems because they cannot keep things in perspective. 

This lesson ties in very well with the suggestion that you do not sweat the small things and everything is a small thing (in the Big Picture of Life). A lot of people have a very difficult separating what is really important from things that are not as important. Thus they often needlessly become aggravated or upset over minor matters.

As a simple example, consider the driver behind you on the road who has to race past you in order to get ahead of you. In a minute, after you pull up behind the driver who is stopped at a red light, you really wonder why people endanger themselves without thinking. How much faster does the jaywalker arrive at his destination than the person who crosses the street at the corner intersection?

One of life's greatest stressors is the emotion of anger. How often have you observed people who get upset with something they see on a newscast or read in a paper? Responding angrily to something that we cannot effect, is a waste of time and is unhealthy as well. It makes no sense to become angry and foul-mouthed when your hockey team loses in overtime in a shootout! Does that make any sense at all?

Keeping things in perspective helps a person decide on priorities and results in them reaching their goals far more efficiently. Perspective is usually achieved by taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture. You do not get bogged down dealing with minor or irrelevant details. You save time, you save money, and you preserve your own sanity. When you start to feel overwhelmed don't just charge forward, instead, pause and take time to sort the wheat from the chaff. If you don't learn what is really important, then you will encounter a lot of problems. Remember to take time to think twice and cut once!

55. Patience is a virtue.

Our society has a pair of problems that do not have too much in common, but they have the same names, only spelled differently. I am referring to our societal problems of weight and wait. Some of us are faced with both issues, but all of us are affected by the "wait" problem.

We are an on-the-go society where just about everyone has some kind of regular schedule every day or week. We have been conditioned to always be conscious of the time and the agenda that is connected to the ticking of the clock. When life and unexpected events disrupt our schedules, we often become stressed and anxious. We often find our patience is stretched to the limit. 

An ordinary event such as going to a doctor's appointment can tax our patience in many simple and subtle ways. When I lock my apartment door I am forced to wait for an elevator and if it is occupied, I must wait in order to follow our Covid mandate and wait for the next on. When leaving our underground garage I must wait for 20 seconds after exiting until the door closes to prevent unwanted visitors from sneaking in. I must then wait at least ten times in ten minutes for a traffic light to change,  a pedestrian to cross, or to turn across traffic. After I park my car, I must wait for a machine to process my parking pass and wait for the next elevator to take me to the doctor's floor. After checking in, one more wait in the waiting room until my appointment time. Every 'wait' can lead to an uptick in blood pressure and cause a spike in anxiety. And this is a simple task.

When we have important events or meetings, the level of stress at arriving on time can be very stressful. City drivers are often stressed as they are observed speeding, changing lanes recklessly, running red lights and honking in anger at slow-moving traffic. Big city living often tests patience to the limit. Different individuals also respond to stress differently. I think that I have been blessed with the gift of patience. I generally plan ahead of events carefully to allow time for the unscheduled delays. I believe that patience is truly a virtue and it is important to develop the trait!

54. Always be willing to try new things.

As I mentioned in the previous page my lifetime of practice has made me proficient in four areas: reading, writing, sleeping and eating. That may be a rather sad commentary on the surface, but I also admit that I have tried to learn and acquire numerous useful skills over the years.  I was never a daredevil nor an adventure seeker nor especially inquisitive, but I was willing to try a lot of different activities. I think it is time to test your perseverance by chronicling my attempts!

I was never an athlete! That did not prevent me from trying my hand (or foot) at just about every sport. As a kid, we all played some form of baseball, touch football, hockey, and marathon preparation. We were forever chasing each other, playing tag or hide and seek, or climbing hills and trees, or running to the store. In later years, I tried my hand at badminton, squash, handball, and bowling. I golfed and curled for about ten years and after not getting invited to participate in the Masters or the Briar, I switched gears for other pursuits.

At different times, I tried to learn tai chi and oil painting. I found the former a kind of exercise in sleep-walking and the other only resulted in paintings suitable for basement storerooms or to decorate outhouses. I took dance lessons and was encouraged to try big game hunting instead. Instructors in all courses that I registered in were delighted when I left the room.

I have always enjoyed learning new card and board games. My Dad taught me to play cribbage and I still enjoy a friendly game. I did not have fun with "thinking" games like bridge, mahjong, or chess. I play games not to develop stress, but to relax, such as backgammon.

If I were to have my portrait painted like the Royal Family does, I would be seated in my recliner chair, with a book in one hand and a snack in the other. Despite the fact that I have tried to learn and love new activities, you would not ever see a painting of me holding a flag at the summit of Everest or outfitted in a Nascar driver's suit. If you desire your portrait painting to be more interesting than mine, consider an African safari setting or maybe give steer wrestling a try!

53. It's OK to admit that you do not know something.

I think that I have mastered this life lesson. I have found that if you demonstrate some skill or expertise that you will be called upon to utilize it far more than you might want. If a friend is a home handyman or can fix minor car aliments you can be sure that their name is at the top of a lot of telephone lists for assistance. I have chosen instead to demonstrate no special skill at anything nor develop any useful expertise. My motto is "Hide your competencies" or you will forever be harassed. 

I am also doubly fortunate in that I have no problem admitting that I am not good at something or cannot perform any useful tasks. I am useless with home and auto repairs, at golfing or curling, have no interest at gardening or working out, and cannot discuss sex, religion, or politics with any expertise. If they made a movie of my life it would consist of a lot of scenes with me reading, writing or napping. 

Most normal people seem to be embarrassed when they are unable to perform some task like fixing a dripping faucet or building a fence, or cooking a gourmet dinner. They should not be. We have all ( except me) been blessed with gifts in some areas - sports, crafts, cooking, gardening, conversation, or needlepoint. We need to celebrate our strengths and not dwell upon areas in which we are not proficient. If you can't get your computer to work properly you just admit that it is not a skill you possess and either take some computer courses or find an expert to help you. There's no shame in not knowing something.

My favourite example to illustrate the true meaning of failure is found in baseball. If a ballplayer gets only two base hits in ten times at bat they have a .200 batting average. If they get three hits in ten at-bats the have a .300 batting average and are considered a star or at least very, very competent. In fact, both players would be considered absolute failures as they both fail 70 to 80% of the time. The difference between success and failure is so tiny that it is not worth either lamenting one's poor performance and acknowledging the other's success. Failure is a very relative term. Don't sweat it!

52. Everyone wants to be valued.

One of the unexpected features of the Coronavirus pandemic is that we have suddenly developed a previously, almost invisible recognition of some of the working class. Workers in senior care facilities who have continued to work in the midst of a dangerous health crisis are being thanked for their contributions. Care workers, maids, cleaners, suppliers and staff are all now considered front-line workers. They are being given a recognition that was taken for granted before the pandemic and rightly so. 

Our society does take a lot of lower-level professions for granted. Grocery clerks, mailmen, delivery personnel and garbage men have always carried out their work with no fuss and little appreciation by the general public. They seem to conscientiously carry out their jobs and are seldom the recipients of any recognition. Because of the pandemic, they are now finally being valued and in some small ways rewarded. It is about time!

Our society seems to be enamoured with the famous and the elite. We pay massive salaries and gush out adulation at star athletes and entertainers. Baseball player Mike Trout makes some 30 million dollars a year and movie actor Johnny Depp makes $35 million per movie. Every celebrity is supported by a cast of thousands ( using my literary license) who do all of the menial and necessary tasks to assist the stars. Whether it is a player's equipment manager or a starlet's dressing room cleaner, they all need to know that their work is valued and appreciated. 

In our own lives, there are numerous individuals who we often overlook and take for granted. How often do we think about and acknowledge the work done by school secretaries, grocery store shelf stockers, nighttime cleaning staff, or even our own mailman or garage mechanic? We all feel elevated when we are thanked for some simple tasks that we do. We all need to know that we are contributing in some way to the common good. Let's make a point of being a little more conscious of the "little" man or woman and let them know they are valued. Everyone will feel better, including yourself!

51. Knowledge is power.

As a young person I never quite understood the meaning of the expression that knowledge is power. I guess that I often attributed power to those people who were leaders because of their position or title rather than for their inherent knowledge. If their status was not arrived at through their own in-depth knowledge and ability it would not fit my understanding of the expression.

The true understanding of that term first struck me many years into my career when I was at a meeting of a group of 40 principals. A talented colleague that I worked with, named Graham, was making a presentation about a new approach that helped students become more effective writers. The audience was also a talented group of men and women with very diverse backgrounds and unique talents of their own. As Graham made his masterful presentation to the group I looked at the audience and they were all mesmerized by the lesson. Graham's presentation and deep-seated knowledge was delivered with such confidence and conviction that the group absorbed his lesson with awe. I had just witnessed and recognized for the first time how Graham's knowledge was power. He was the master, we were the students. His power held us in the palm of his hand. I shall never forget the moment. 

Knowledge alone does not guarantee any sense of power necessarily. I would submit than anyone who has earned a Ph.D. in any of the sciences is incredibly knowledgeable in a very narrow field. In order for this knowledge to also generate power, the individual must be able to transmit and transfer that information to others clearly and with a significant purpose. 

Anyone, in addition to possessing in-depth knowledge in some field, must be able to present it with confidence and conviction as Graham had. Oral proficiency is also essential. Barack Obama, Bill Gates and Dr. Deena Henshaw are examples who I think reflect the truth of the expression that knowledge is power. If you don't possess both skills, you will be like me, lots of babble and little substance! 

50. What you expect and what you get are often different.

How often do you find that your expectations of an event or a site and the reality are so often miles apart? One of life's lessons that can be the most disappointing is to have an expectation ahead of time about a new friend, a social function, or a travel destination. Setting expectations often leads to disappointments.

In a few instances, our reality can be far better than our initial exception. Before I experienced my first root canal I had been led to expect a terrifyingly painful encounter similar to a Guantanamo fingernail extraction. In reality, after freezing the infected area, the rest of the procedure is totally painless. On the other hand, I have no hesitancy in going for a haircut. In one experience in Turkey after the barber had finished my quick buzz cut, he sent a shiver through my body. He approached me with a  flaming Q-tip that had been dipped in alcohol and proceeded to singe the hair from my ears and around my sideburns. I thought that I had been selected for some kind of ritual offering to the barber gods. You just never know what to expect.

In my many travels, reality and expectations are also often different. I was excited to visit the pyramids and the sphinx in Cairo. The Giza pyramids lived up to their massive press clippings but the little sphinx was a disappointment. The lonely little partially destroyed sphinx was about the size of a small barn and there is only one ( thus the article "the"). I was surprised at how tiny the statue of the Little Mermaid in the Copenhagen harbour and the famous Belgium statue of Manakin Pis in Brussels were. On the other hand, the Lion of Lucerne seemed the size of a commercial plane and the Reclining Buddha in Bangkok seemed the length of a locomotive.

Most importantly we should not be too quick to predetermine how we will enjoy a new acquaintance or social gathering. I often don't look forward to an unknown play or concert or musical recital and have been very positively surprised. I try not to prejudge anyone I meet for the first time but prefer to let them either grow on me or disappear. It is a far safer practice than setting a high expectation based on second hand or no information at all. Be cautious with expectations!

49. A smile can make all the difference.

For a change of pace, I would like to begin with a number of quotes on smiling. Pick the one you like best and use it. It is free.

• A simple smile is the start of opening your heart and being compassionate to others.
• Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.
• Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
• A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.
• A smile is the best makeup any girl can wear.
• Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.
• Use your smile to change the world; don't let the world change your smile.
• Smile at strangers and you might change a life.
• Everyone smiles in the same language.
• If you only have one smile, you give it to the people you love.
• Strong people are the ones who can smile for others' happiness.
• Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
• It's hard not to feel happy when you make someone smile.
• Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
• If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.
• The people who make you smile from just seeing them, those are my favourite people.
• When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life the you have a thousand reasons to smile.
• Smile! It increases your face value.
• If you're not using your smile, you're like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no check book.
• A smile remains the most inexpensive gift I can bestow on anyone.
• All the statistics in the world can't measure the warmth of a smile.

A smile is one of life's greatest gifts. It is easy to do, costs nothing and can make more people happy than you can imagine. It is a very powerful tool in your repertoire, use it often!

48. Sharing quality time is a great gift.

There is one question that I am asked by my wife twice every year. Before Christmas and my birthday, Darlene always asks me, “What (gift) do I want?" My answer is always the same - "nothing!" Of course, this response is not very helpful, but the simple truth is that I am a person with no material wants. If I find that there is something that I do want or need, I will just buy it. If I need a new pair of jeans or a jacket or I want to buy a good book to read or a magazine, I just go out and get it. 

I am often faced with the same conundrum when it comes to buying for the grandkids or for my wife on special occasions throughout the year. I am kind of convinced that this is a trait shared by most of my male friends. I have no idea what my 13 and 15 year-old grandkids would like and Darlene already has multiple sets of everything (at least in my opinion). So purchasing a gift is a real problem for me. 

If I was forced to select a gift to receive, I would like to have the opportunity to spend some quality time with the gift giver. How about a minimum of two hours to get together and share a drink or meal without any distractions or interferences. When I do meet someone for  breakfast or lunch and a lengthy conversation, I always feel good when we have finished. Isn't that the best kind of gift? So if for any reason you feel the need to give me a gift, sharing time with you would be my number one choice. 

Other ways to spend time together do not necessarily include a meal but …  I also enjoy going for a walk in a park or along the Bow River with a friend. Take a short car trip to explore some of the wonderful scenery that we are so blessed to have on our doorstep. Any time we can share a drive to Canmore or Banff, or to Kananaskis Park or down to Longview, and the connecting Highwood Pass, it is a great gift. 

In today's world, we have learned to associate gifts with material goods. In my world, the personal gift of time and sharing are far more valuable than any pair of socks could ever be! How about you?

47. When you are in a slump, plan a project.

It is pretty easy to get bored if we follow the same routine day after day. Especially during the past five months surrounded by the pandemic, we have had limited opportunity to add a lot of diversity to our days. We have been advised to remain indoors so our world has basically shrunk to a couple of thousand square feet. Whenever I find that I am in a rut, I know that I must develop a totally different project that I have not done before.

I first learned this lesson when I was a teacher. I had to teach different subjects every couple of years as I got bored teaching math or English endlessly year after year. Some teachers love the repetition. I had to alternate the subjects taught every two years. If I taught English for two years, I knew that I could not teach the same units over and over again. Consequently, whenever I hit this slump, I knew that I had to develop and teach a totally new unit. The stimulation and motivation to create a new course element always relit my fire. 

During my adult life, I found that the same situation occurred. Often I would try to learn and play a new sport if I needed something different to do. Over the years I "tried" golf, tennis, badminton, baseball, bowling, curling, tai chi, and recreational drinking. Each new venture was exciting for a while, but then I had to develop a new interest. I tried photography, camping, fishing, hiking, cross country skiing and even squash. They all provided a short term lift.

During our recent self-isolation and lock-down, I spend a lot of time reading and writing and a small amount of time watching TV. New projects included starting a diary, a new blog, a backgammon tournament with Darlene, following some new courses on the Internet, and developing some photo projects for stimulation. I am even taking some interest in the small herb garden Darlene planted on our deck. Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Compared to my childhood where the options are limited, we are blessed with the internet where we all can find some new projects to work on if we look. If you're in a slump, start googling!

44. Be on time, it shows respect.

There are a lot of idioms we use involving the use of time. For example, we often hear, time flies, or to kill time, or a waste of time, or no time to lose, or time is money, or in the nick of time, or time will tell. Throughout my life, I have valued time as an important commodity. Wasting time or killing it or losing it, are not good practices. 

I was always taught that you should never be late for anything. If I have an appointment or a meeting I am ALWAYS at the required venue well before I need to be. In fact, as a child, I probably had a phobia about being on time. I recall one year, on the day that daylight saving time changed, we didn't change our clocks and when I arrived one hour late to school, I went home instead of arriving late. I was a shy kid and knew that the kids would laugh at me for my mistake so I took the morning off instead, with my Mom's approval. I am not that paranoid as an adult. 

Having to wait for a person who is late or a performance that does not start on the anointed time is very irritating. I always feel that those who are late to an event are rude and inconsiderate to others. The expression that you can be "fashionably late" for a social event is an oxymoron to me. It basically implies that your time is not as important as my time. 

In my working days, I was always punctual. I recall attending a meeting of about 30 principals called for 9 am. At the appointed time the chair called the meeting to order and it began. At 9:10 one of my colleagues quietly tip-toed into the room and found a seat. The chair, our superintendent, stopped what he was saying for an instant, looked at his watch, and remarked, "I thought this meeting started at 9 am." The humiliated late-principal, nor any other principal, was ever late again. Punctuality can be learned if people are organized and value time as a precious commodity. 

Being on time is a valuable attribute and demonstrates respect for others. Don't take it for granted.

43. First, you work and then you play.

Priorities have always played a prominent role in my life. I have usually been able to arrange tasks or responsibilities in a successful order. Since my youth, I think our society has lost a lot of that ability and has tended to place immediate gratification before responsible action. How else do you explain the fact that Canadians all average over $21,000 personal debt? They have placed their material wants at the top of their to-do lists.

I grew up in a fairly poor household. On some occasions, I would check out the loose-change dish that sat on our kitchen counter hoping for a bonanza. When I would find seven cents or a dime I was elated as it meant that I was allowed to race to the store and purchase a popsicle or dixie-cup. Life was good! In contrast, I am often amazed to witness a young person today using a credit card to purchase a bottle of pop or a chocolate bar. That is my definition of insanity. Buying a small treat with a credit card that charges 20+% interest is not a very intelligent move.

Today's society is characterized by millions of people who live beyond their means. No one saves money ahead of time anymore to purchase a new car in about five years. Are you kidding me? People with menial or part-time jobs will go into debts over $50,000 to purchase a new car or truck because they feel like it. There is no notion that if they lose their job, they would be in trouble making truck payments. They don't seem to care. The same applies to young couples who purchase expensive homes with $3000 a month mortgage payments and think nothing of it. 

As a principal, at the start of each school year, I would always hold an assembly of all of the students and let them know that in my school we work hard first and then we play. If students accept their responsibilities for hard work and appropriate behaviour, they would be rewarded. At each month's end they would enjoy a games afternoon, or a special movie, or a school dance or a special activity. I tried to install the maxim that you work first and then you play, not the other way around. It should apply to us all! Unfortunately, it doesn’t!

42. Positive reinforcement is a most powerful tool.

Most of us have been aware of the power of positive reinforcement for most of our lives. Everyone loves to be acknowledged in some positive way for anything that we may have accomplished. What we perhaps have forgotten is the fact that we don't really need to do anything significant to be eligible for a positive ego-stroke! 

A friend and outstanding teacher who worked with me for several years was the master of positive reinforcement. Paul was an outstanding science teacher, but he was also a master human being. On every occasion possible, he tried to reward every student he taught with a positive compliment every day. Sometimes it was a high five, a comment on a nice shirt, or a warm smile accompanied by a personal word about something. The kids in his classes worshipped him. His constant and genuine positivity earned him the respect and love of his students all the time. Through his positive outlook with kids, I really witnessed the power of positive reinforcement. 

In today's world, we are not generally overwhelmed with positive reinforcement and yet it is such an easy gift to bestow on others. Both the recipient and the bestower of a compliment feel good after the interaction. We just seem to be "too busy" to take the time to make a conscious effort to be more complimentary to each other. 

I recall a menial job I had one summer working in a dairy. One day the foreman told me he wanted me to scrub the mold that was affixed to the ceiling over a hot water tank. With my ladder, a bucket of hot water and soap, and a heavy bristled scrub brush I attacked the mold. The job took all day and when I was finished I was soaking wet, tired and my muscles and back ached. And in my eyes, the ceiling didn't look a whole lot better. At day's end, the foreman told me that he was amazed at the good job that I had done. That small compliment always ranks as one of the most satisfying acknowledgements that I ever received. 

The best positive reinforcement is often the one that you don't expect and it can make your day. We need to do it much more often!